“Daddy, Mummy, My Tummy Really Hurts” — Understanding Anxiety in Children

For parents and caregivers navigating the hidden struggles beneath the surface

“Daddy, Mummy, my tummy really hurts…”

It might be the third time this week your child has said those words, just before school. There’s no fever, no vomiting, no rash. And yet, the pain feels very real to them — and very confusing for you.

This is one of the most common ways anxiety shows up in children.

Unlike adults, children often lack the language to say, “I’m overwhelmed,” or “I’m scared of something and I don’t know why.” Their bodies speak for them. As parents and caregivers, understanding the deeper roots of these signals can help us respond with empathy, patience, and the right support.

🌱 What Does Anxiety Look Like in Children?

Anxiety isn’t just nervousness before a test or shyness in new situations. For some children, anxiety is a daily companion — one that hijacks their thoughts, body, and behaviour.

Here’s how it might show up:

Physical Symptoms (Body):

• Frequent stomach aches or headaches

• Trouble falling or staying asleep

• Muscle tension or restlessness

• Shortness of breath or rapid heartbeat

• Avoidance of eating or changes in appetite

• Needing frequent toilet breaks (or accidents in younger children)

• Bed wetting (nocturnal enuresis)

Emotional Symptoms (Feelings):

• Excessive worry about school, family, friends, or the future

• Fear of separation from parents or caregivers

• Intense fears (e.g., of the dark, storms, germs, being judged)

• Meltdowns over seemingly small things

Behavioural Symptoms (Actions):

• Refusing to go to school or activities

• Becoming overly clingy or withdrawn

• Asking repeated reassurance questions

• Perfectionism, procrastination, or avoidance

• Sudden anger or outbursts

🔍 Common Causes of Anxiety in Children

Children may feel anxious for a variety of reasons — some obvious, others hidden beneath the surface. Often, it’s not a single cause but a combination of factors.

1. Family or Environmental Stressors: Conflict at home, divorce, moving house, or a family member’s illness can create insecurity in a child’s world.

2. Sensory or Developmental Differences: Children who are highly sensitive or have undiagnosed sensory processing challenges may experience the world as overwhelming.

3. School-Related Stress: Academic pressure, bullying, social difficulties, or “not fitting in” can make school feel unsafe or unbearable.

4. Trauma or Loss: Grief, separation, or witnessing distressing events (even indirectly) can create chronic states of fear.

5. Genetics and Temperament: Some children are naturally more cautious, empathetic, or prone to overthinking — all traits that can predispose them to anxiety.

🏡 What You Can Do At Home: Gentle Supports That Help

When we see anxiety not as “bad behaviour” but as a nervous system in distress, we shift from correction to connection.

Here are some ways you can support your anxious child:

🫶🏼 1. Validate First, Always

Say things like: “I can see this feels really hard for you.” “That must be scary — I’m here. ”Validation calms the emotional brain. It tells your child they are safe, seen, and not alone.

🧘🏽 2. Teach Body Awareness

Help your child name where they feel their anxiety — tummy, chest, jaw, shoulders? Use phrases like: “Let’s take 5 slow breaths and help your body feel calm again.” “Let’s shake out the worry from your arms.”

Body-based regulation builds resilience. Gentle movement, deep breathing, cuddles, and sensory play (like kinetic sand, drawing, or swinging) can be powerful.

🎨 3. Create a “Worry Toolbox”

Together, build a kit of comfort:

• A soft toy or sensory fidget

• Drawings or a “worry journal”

• Headphones with calming music

• A mantra card: “I am safe. I can do hard things.”

This toolbox can travel with them — to school, on sleepovers, or in the car.

⏳ 4. Routine and Predictability

Anxious children often feel unsafe in uncertainty. Clear routines, visual schedules, and preparation for transitions can ease their minds. “We’ll leave for school in 10 minutes. First, breakfast. Then pack bag. Then shoes.”

🤍 5. Anchor Yourself First

Your calm is contagious. If your child is spiralling, try grounding yourself with deep breaths, soft voice tones, and a steady rhythm. When we regulate ourselves, we co-regulate them.

🚨 When to Seek Professional Help

If your child’s anxiety:

• Interferes with daily functioning

• Leads to panic attacks or school refusal

• Is affecting their eating, sleep, or relationships. It may be time to seek support from a creative arts therapist, counsellor trained in trauma-informed care or child psychologist depending on how verbal your child is.

Early intervention makes a profound difference. Remember, anxiety is not a sign of weakness — it’s a call for connection.

Final Words: It’s Not Just in Their Head

An anxious child is not “too dramatic” or “just looking for attention.”They’re looking for safety.

And you, the parent or caregiver, are their greatest source of it.

Even on the hard days — especially on the hard days — your presence, patience, and willingness to understand what’s beneath the behaviour is the medicine they need most.